The Devil's Dictionary — Ambrose Bierce

The Devil's Dictionary

Ambrose Bierce · الترخيص: Public domain · المصدر

• SAW, n. A trite popular saying, or proverb. (Figurative and colloquial.) So called because it makes its way into a wooden head. Following are examples of old saws fitted with new teeth. ¶1501
• A penny saved is a penny to squander. ¶1502
• A man is known by the company that he organizes. ¶1503
• A bad workman quarrels with the man who calls him that. ¶1504
• A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring. ¶1505
• Better late than before anybody has invited you. ¶1506
• Example is better than following it. ¶1507
• Half a loaf is better than a whole one if there is much else. ¶1508
• Think twice before you speak to a friend in need. ¶1509
• What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it. ¶1510
• Least said is soonest disavowed. ¶1511
• He laughs best who laughs least. ¶1512
• Speak of the Devil and he will hear about it. ¶1513
• Of two evils choose to be the least. ¶1514
• Strike while your employer has a big contract. ¶1515
• Where there's a will there's a won't. ¶1516
• SCARABEE, n. The same as scarabaeus. ¶1518
• SCEPTER, n. A king's staff of office, the sign and symbol of his authority. It was originally a mace with which the sovereign admonished his jester and vetoed ministerial measures by breaking the bones of their proponents. ¶1521
• SCIMITAR, n. A curved sword of exceeding keenness, in the conduct of which certain Orientals attain a surprising proficiency, as the incident here related will serve to show. The account is translated from the Japanese of Shusi Itama, a famous writer of the thirteenth century. ¶1522
• SCRAP-BOOK, n. A book that is commonly edited by a fool. Many persons of some small distinction compile scrap-books containing whatever they happen to read about themselves or employ others to collect. One of these egotists was addressed in the lines following, by Agamemnon Melancthon Peters: ¶1524
• Dear Frank, that scrap-book where you boast You keep a record true Of every kind of peppered roast That's made of you; ¶1525
• Wherein you paste the printed gibes That revel round your name, Thinking the laughter of the scribes Attests your fame; ¶1526
• Where all the pictures you arrange That comic pencils trace-- Your funny figure and your strange Semitic face-- ¶1527
• Pray lend it me. Wit I have not, Nor art, but there I'll list The daily drubbings you'd have got Had God a fist. ¶1528
• SCRIBBLER, n. A professional writer whose views are antagonistic to one's own. ¶1529
• SCRIPTURES, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based. ¶1530
• SEINE, n. A kind of net for effecting an involuntary change of environment. For fish it is made strong and coarse, but women are more easily taken with a singularly delicate fabric weighted with small, cut stones. ¶1532
• The devil casting a seine of lace, (With precious stones 'twas weighted) Drew it into the landing place And its contents calculated. ¶1533
• All souls of women were in that sack-- A draft miraculous, precious! But ere he could throw it across his back They'd all escaped through the meshes. ¶1534
• SELF-ESTEEM, n. An erroneous appraisement. ¶1536
• SELF-EVIDENT, adj. Evident to one's self and to nobody else. ¶1537
• SELFISH, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others. ¶1538
• SENATE, n. A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and misdemeanors. ¶1539
• SHERIFF, n. In America the chief executive officer of a county, whose most characteristic duties, in some of the Western and Southern States, are the catching and hanging of rogues. ¶1544
• John Elmer Pettibone Cajee (I write of him with little glee) Was just as bad as he could be. ¶1545
• 'Twas frequently remarked: "I swon! The sun has never looked upon So bad a man as Neighbor John." ¶1546
• A sinner through and through, he had This added fault: it made him mad To know another man was bad. ¶1547
• In such a case he thought it right To rise at any hour of night And quench that wicked person's light. ¶1548
• Despite the town's entreaties, he Would hale him to the nearest tree And leave him swinging wide and free. ¶1549
• Or sometimes, if the humor came, A luckless wight's reluctant frame Was given to the cheerful flame. ¶1550

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