The Devil's Dictionary — Ambrose Bierce

The Devil's Dictionary

Ambrose Bierce · Licence: Public domain · Source

• ABASEMENT, n. A decent and customary mental attitude in the presence of wealth or power. Peculiarly appropriate in an employee when addressing an employer. ¶11
• ABATIS, n. Rubbish in front of a fort, to prevent the rubbish outside from molesting the rubbish inside. ¶12
• ABDICATION, n. An act whereby a sovereign attests his sense of the high temperature of the throne. ¶13
• Poor Isabella's Dead, whose abdication Set all tongues wagging in the Spanish nation. For that performance 'twere unfair to scold her: She wisely left a throne too hot to hold her. To History she'll be no royal riddle-- Merely a plain parched pea that jumped the griddle. ¶14
• ABILITY, n. The natural equipment to accomplish some small part of the meaner ambitions distinguishing able men from dead ones. In the last analysis ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity. Perhaps, however, this impressive quality is rightly appraised; it is no easy task to be solemn. ¶17
• ABORIGINIES, n. Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize. ¶19
• By _Abracadabra_ we signify An infinite number of things. 'Tis the answer to What? and How? and Why? And Whence? and Whither?--a word whereby The Truth (with the comfort it brings) Is open to all who grope in night, Crying for Wisdom's holy light. ¶21
• Whether the word is a verb or a noun Is knowledge beyond my reach. I only know that 'tis handed down. From sage to sage, From age to age-- An immortal part of speech! ¶22
• Of an ancient man the tale is told That he lived to be ten centuries old, In a cave on a mountain side. (True, he finally died.) The fame of his wisdom filled the land, For his head was bald, and you'll understand His beard was long and white And his eyes uncommonly bright. ¶23
• He's dead, As I said, And the books of the sages have perished, But his wisdom is sacredly cherished. In _Abracadabra_ it solemnly rings, Like an ancient bell that forever swings. O, I love to hear That word make clear Humanity's General Sense of Things. ¶25
• When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for people to abridge their king, a decent respect for the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation. ¶28
• ABRUPT, adj. Sudden, without ceremony, like the arrival of a cannon- shot and the departure of the soldier whose interests are most affected by it. Dr. Samuel Johnson beautifully said of another author's ideas that they were "concatenated without abruption." ¶30
• ABSCOND, v.i. To "move in a mysterious way," commonly with the property of another. ¶31
• Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; The trees are leaving and cashiers abscond. ¶32
• ABSENT, adj. Peculiarly exposed to the tooth of detraction; vilifed; hopelessly in the wrong; superseded in the consideration and affection of another. ¶34
• To men a man is but a mind. Who cares What face he carries or what form he wears? But woman's body is the woman. O, Stay thou, my sweetheart, and do never go, But heed the warning words the sage hath said: A woman absent is a woman dead. ¶35
• ABSENTEE, n. A person with an income who has had the forethought to remove himself from the sphere of exaction. ¶37
• ABSTAINER, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others. ¶39
• Said a man to a crapulent youth: "I thought You a total abstainer, my son." "So I am, so I am," said the scapegrace caught-- "But not, sir, a bigoted one." ¶40
• ABSURDITY, n. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion. ¶42
• ACADEME, n. An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. ¶43
• ACADEMY, n. [from ACADEME] A modern school where football is taught. ¶44
• ACCIDENT, n. An inevitable occurrence due to the action of immutable natural laws. ¶45
• ACCOMPLICE, n. One associated with another in a crime, having guilty knowledge and complicity, as an attorney who defends a criminal, knowing him guilty. This view of the attorney's position in the matter has not hitherto commanded the assent of attorneys, no one having offered them a fee for assenting. ¶46
• ACCORDION, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin. ¶48
• ACCOUNTABILITY, n. The mother of caution. ¶49
• "My accountability, bear in mind," Said the Grand Vizier: "Yes, yes," Said the Shah: "I do--'tis the only kind Of ability you possess." ¶50
• ACCUSE, v.t. To affirm another's guilt or unworth; most commonly as a justification of ourselves for having wronged him. ¶52
• ACEPHALOUS, adj. In the surprising condition of the Crusader who absently pulled at his forelock some hours after a Saracen scimitar had, unconsciously to him, passed through his neck, as related by de Joinville. ¶53
• ACHIEVEMENT, n. The death of endeavor and the birth of disgust. ¶54
• ACKNOWLEDGE, v.t. To confess. Acknowledgement of one another's faults is the highest duty imposed by our love of truth. ¶55
• ACQUAINTANCE, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous. ¶56
• ACTUALLY, adv. Perhaps; possibly. ¶57
• ADAGE, n. Boned wisdom for weak teeth. ¶58
• ADAMANT, n. A mineral frequently found beneath a corset. Soluble in solicitate of gold. ¶59
• ADDER, n. A species of snake. So called from its habit of adding funeral outlays to the other expenses of living. ¶60
• ADHERENT, n. A follower who has not yet obtained all that he expects to get. ¶61
• ADMINISTRATION, n. An ingenious abstraction in politics, designed to receive the kicks and cuffs due to the premier or president. A man of straw, proof against bad-egging and dead-catting. ¶62
• ADMIRAL, n. That part of a war-ship which does the talking while the figure-head does the thinking. ¶63
• ADMIRATION, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. ¶64

Suite →Livres de sentences