The Devil's Dictionary — Ambrose Bierce

The Devil's Dictionary

Ambrose Bierce · רישיון: Public domain · מקור

• He would even have done that, But men said: "Get out!" and the State remarked: "Scat!" I mention these incidents merely to show That the vengeance he took was uncommonly low. Revenge, at the best, is the act of a Siou, But for trifles-- ¶177
• Pray what did bad Mendicant do? ¶178
• Stole two loaves of bread to replenish his lack And tuck out the belly that clung to his back. ¶179
• There's little to tell: They sent him to jail, and they'll send him to--well, The company's better than here we can boast, And there's-- ¶181
• Bread for the needy, dear father? ¶182
• BEGGAR, n. One who has relied on the assistance of his friends. ¶185
• BEHAVIOR, n. Conduct, as determined, not by principle, but by breeding. The word seems to be somewhat loosely used in Dr. Jamrach Holobom's translation of the following lines from the _Dies Irae_: ¶186
• Recordare, Jesu pie, Quod sum causa tuae viae. Ne me perdas illa die. ¶187
• Pray remember, sacred Savior, Whose the thoughtless hand that gave your Death-blow. Pardon such behavior. ¶188
• BELLADONNA, n. In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues. ¶189
• BENEDICTINES, n. An order of monks otherwise known as black friars. ¶190
• She thought it a crow, but it turn out to be A monk of St. Benedict croaking a text. "Here's one of an order of cooks," said she-- "Black friars in this world, fried black in the next." ¶191
• "The Devil on Earth" (London, 1712) ¶192
• BENEFACTOR, n. One who makes heavy purchases of ingratitude, without, however, materially affecting the price, which is still within the means of all. ¶193
• BERENICE'S HAIR, n. A constellation (_Coma Berenices_) named in honor of one who sacrificed her hair to save her husband. ¶194
• Her locks an ancient lady gave Her loving husband's life to save; And men--they honored so the dame-- Upon some stars bestowed her name. ¶195
• But to our modern married fair, Who'd give their lords to save their hair, No stellar recognition's given. There are not stars enough in heaven. ¶196
• BIGAMY, n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy. ¶198
• BIGOT, n. One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain. ¶199
• BILLINGSGATE, n. The invective of an opponent. ¶200
• BLACKGUARD, n. A man whose qualities, prepared for display like a box of berries in a market--the fine ones on top--have been opened on the wrong side. An inverted gentleman. ¶202
• BLANK-VERSE, n. Unrhymed iambic pentameters--the most difficult kind of English verse to write acceptably; a kind, therefore, much affected by those who cannot acceptably write any kind. ¶203
• BODY-SNATCHER, n. A robber of grave-worms. One who supplies the young physicians with that with which the old physicians have supplied the undertaker. The hyena. ¶204
• "One night," a doctor said, "last fall, I and my comrades, four in all, When visiting a graveyard stood Within the shadow of a wall. ¶205
• "While waiting for the moon to sink We saw a wild hyena slink About a new-made grave, and then Begin to excavate its brink! ¶206
• "Shocked by the horrid act, we made A sally from our ambuscade, And, falling on the unholy beast, Dispatched him with a pick and spade." ¶207
• BONDSMAN, n. A fool who, having property of his own, undertakes to become responsible for that entrusted to another to a third. ¶209
• BORE, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen. ¶211
• BOTANY, n. The science of vegetables--those that are not good to eat, as well as those that are. It deals largely with their flowers, which are commonly badly designed, inartistic in color, and ill-smelling. ¶212
• BOTTLE-NOSED, adj. Having a nose created in the image of its maker. ¶213
• BOUNDARY, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of the other. ¶214
• BOUNTY, n. The liberality of one who has much, in permitting one who has nothing to get all that he can. ¶215
• A single swallow, it is said, devours ten millions of insects every year. The supplying of these insects I take to be a signal instance of the Creator's bounty in providing for the lives of His creatures. ¶216
• O Brahma, thou rare old Divinity, First Person of the Hindoo Trinity, You sit there so calm and securely, With feet folded up so demurely-- You're the First Person Singular, surely. ¶219
• BRANDY, n. A cordial composed of one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the grave and four parts clarified Satan. Dose, a headful all the time. Brandy is said by Dr. Johnson to be the drink of heroes. Only a hero will venture to drink it. ¶222
• BRIDE, n. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. ¶223
• CAABA, n. A large stone presented by the archangel Gabriel to the patriarch Abraham, and preserved at Mecca. The patriarch had perhaps asked the archangel for bread. ¶226
• CABBAGE, n. A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. ¶227
• CALAMITY, n. A more than commonly plain and unmistakable reminder that the affairs of this life are not of our own ordering. Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others. ¶229
• CALLOUS, adj. Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another. ¶230

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