The Devil's Dictionary — Ambrose Bierce

The Devil's Dictionary

Ambrose Bierce · الترخيص: Public domain · المصدر

• Take not God's name in vain; select A time when it will have effect. ¶347
• Work not on Sabbath days at all, But go to see the teams play ball. ¶348
• Honor thy parents. That creates For life insurance lower rates. ¶349
• Kill not, abet not those who kill; Thou shalt not pay thy butcher's bill. ¶350
• Kiss not thy neighbor's wife, unless Thine own thy neighbor doth caress ¶351
• Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete Successfully in business. Cheat. ¶352
• Bear not false witness--that is low-- But "hear 'tis rumored so and so." ¶353
• Covet thou naught that thou hast not By hook or crook, or somehow, got. ¶354
• DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set. ¶356
• A leaf was riven from a tree, "I mean to fall to earth," said he. ¶357
• The west wind, rising, made him veer. "Eastward," said he, "I now shall steer." ¶358
• The east wind rose with greater force. Said he: "'Twere wise to change my course." ¶359
• With equal power they contend. He said: "My judgment I suspend." ¶360
• Down died the winds; the leaf, elate, Cried: "I've decided to fall straight." ¶361
• "First thoughts are best?" That's not the moral; Just choose your own and we'll not quarrel. ¶362
• Howe'er your choice may chance to fall, You'll have no hand in it at all. ¶363
• DEFAME, v.t. To lie about another. To tell the truth about another. ¶365
• DEFENCELESS, adj. Unable to attack. ¶366
• DEGRADATION, n. One of the stages of moral and social progress from private station to political preferment. ¶368
• DEINOTHERIUM, n. An extinct pachyderm that flourished when the Pterodactyl was in fashion. The latter was a native of Ireland, its name being pronounced Terry Dactyl or Peter O'Dactyl, as the man pronouncing it may chance to have heard it spoken or seen it printed. ¶369
• DEJEUNER, n. The breakfast of an American who has been in Paris. Variously pronounced. ¶370
• DELEGATION, n. In American politics, an article of merchandise that comes in sets. ¶371
• DELIBERATION, n. The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on. ¶372
• DELUGE, n. A notable first experiment in baptism which washed away the sins (and sinners) of the world. ¶373
• DELUSION, n. The father of a most respectable family, comprising Enthusiasm, Affection, Self-denial, Faith, Hope, Charity and many other goodly sons and daughters. ¶374
• All hail, Delusion! Were it not for thee The world turned topsy-turvy we should see; For Vice, respectable with cleanly fancies, Would fly abandoned Virtue's gross advances. ¶375
• DENTIST, n. A prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coins out of your pocket. ¶377
• DEPENDENT, adj. Reliant upon another's generosity for the support which you are not in a position to exact from his fears. ¶378
• DEPUTY, n. A male relative of an office-holder, or of his bondsman. The deputy is commonly a beautiful young man, with a red necktie and an intricate system of cobwebs extending from his nose to his desk. When accidentally struck by the janitor's broom, he gives off a cloud of dust. ¶379
• DESTINY, n. A tyrant's authority for crime and fool's excuse for failure. ¶382
• DIAGNOSIS, n. A physician's forecast of the disease by the patient's pulse and purse. ¶383
• DIAPHRAGM, n. A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels. ¶384
• DIARY, n. A daily record of that part of one's life, which he can relate to himself without blushing. ¶385
• DICTATOR, n. The chief of a nation that prefers the pestilence of despotism to the plague of anarchy. ¶388
• DICTIONARY, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work. ¶389
• DIE, n. The singular of "dice." We seldom hear the word, because there is a prohibitory proverb, "Never say die." At long intervals, however, some one says: "The die is cast," which is not true, for it is cut. The word is found in an immortal couplet by that eminent poet and domestic economist, Senator Depew: ¶390
• A cube of cheese no larger than a die May bait the trap to catch a nibbling mie. ¶391
• DIGESTION, n. The conversion of victuals into virtues. When the process is imperfect, vices are evolved instead--a circumstance from which that wicked writer, Dr. Jeremiah Blenn, infers that the ladies are the greater sufferers from dyspepsia. ¶392
• DIPLOMACY, n. The patriotic art of lying for one's country. ¶393
• DISABUSE, v.t. To present your neighbor with another and better error than the one which he has deemed it advantageous to embrace. ¶394

رجوعالتالي →كتب الحِكم