The Devil's Dictionary — Ambrose Bierce

The Devil's Dictionary

Ambrose Bierce · الترخيص: Public domain · المصدر

• MARTYR, n. One who moves along the line of least reluctance to a desired death. ¶967
• MATERIAL, adj. Having an actual existence, as distinguished from an imaginary one. Important. ¶968
• Material things I know, or feel, or see; All else is immaterial to me. ¶969
• MAUSOLEUM, n. The final and funniest folly of the rich. ¶971
• MAYONNAISE, n. One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion. ¶972
• ME, pro. The objectionable case of I. The personal pronoun in English has three cases, the dominative, the objectionable and the oppressive. Each is all three. ¶973
• MEANDER, n. To proceed sinuously and aimlessly. The word is the ancient name of a river about one hundred and fifty miles south of Troy, which turned and twisted in the effort to get out of hearing when the Greeks and Trojans boasted of their prowess. ¶974
• MEDAL, n. A small metal disk given as a reward for virtues, attainments or services more or less authentic. ¶975
• It is related of Bismark, who had been awarded a medal for gallantly rescuing a drowning person, that, being asked the meaning of the medal, he replied: "I save lives sometimes." And sometimes he didn't. ¶976
• MEDICINE, n. A stone flung down the Bowery to kill a dog in Broadway. ¶977
• MEEKNESS, n. Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while. ¶978
• M is for Moses, Who slew the Egyptian. As sweet as a rose is The meekness of Moses. No monument shows his Post-mortem inscription, But M is for Moses Who slew the Egyptian. ¶979
• MEERSCHAUM, n. (Literally, seafoam, and by many erroneously supposed to be made of it.) A fine white clay, which for convenience in coloring it brown is made into tobacco pipes and smoked by the workmen engaged in that industry. The purpose of coloring it has not been disclosed by the manufacturers. ¶981
• There was a youth (you've heard before, This woeful tale, may be), Who bought a meerschaum pipe and swore That color it would he! ¶982
• He shut himself from the world away, Nor any soul he saw. He smoked by night, he smoked by day, As hard as he could draw. ¶983
• His dog died moaning in the wrath Of winds that blew aloof; The weeds were in the gravel path, The owl was on the roof. ¶984
• "He's gone afar, he'll come no more," The neighbors sadly say. And so they batter in the door To take his goods away. ¶985
• Dead, pipe in mouth, the youngster lay, Nut-brown in face and limb. "That pipe's a lovely white," they say, "But it has colored him!" ¶986
• The moral there's small need to sing-- 'Tis plain as day to you: Don't play your game on any thing That is a gamester too. ¶987
• MENDACIOUS, adj. Addicted to rhetoric. ¶989
• MERCHANT, n. One engaged in a commercial pursuit. A commercial pursuit is one in which the thing pursued is a dollar. ¶990
• MERCY, n. An attribute beloved of detected offenders. ¶991
• MESMERISM, n. Hypnotism before it wore good clothes, kept a carriage and asked Incredulity to dinner. ¶992
• METROPOLIS, n. A stronghold of provincialism. ¶993
• MILLENNIUM, n. The period of a thousand years when the lid is to be screwed down, with all reformers on the under side. ¶994
• MINE, adj. Belonging to me if I can hold or seize it. ¶996
• MINISTER, n. An agent of a higher power with a lower responsibility. In diplomacy an officer sent into a foreign country as the visible embodiment of his sovereign's hostility. His principal qualification is a degree of plausible inveracity next below that of an ambassador. ¶997
• MINOR, adj. Less objectionable. ¶998
• MINSTREL, adj. Formerly a poet, singer or musician; now a nigger with a color less than skin deep and a humor more than flesh and blood can bear. ¶999
• MIRACLE, n. An act or event out of the order of nature and unaccountable, as beating a normal hand of four kings and an ace with four aces and a king. ¶1000
• MISCREANT, n. A person of the highest degree of unworth. Etymologically, the word means unbeliever, and its present signification may be regarded as theology's noblest contribution to the development of our language. ¶1001
• MISDEMEANOR, n. An infraction of the law having less dignity than a felony and constituting no claim to admittance into the best criminal society. ¶1002
• MISERICORDE, n. A dagger which in mediaeval warfare was used by the foot soldier to remind an unhorsed knight that he was mortal. ¶1005
• MISFORTUNE, n. The kind of fortune that never misses. ¶1006
• MONARCHICAL GOVERNMENT, n. Government. ¶1011
• MONDAY, n. In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game. ¶1012
• MONEY, n. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it. An evidence of culture and a passport to polite society. Supportable property. ¶1013
• MONKEY, n. An arboreal animal which makes itself at home in genealogical trees. ¶1014
• The man who writes in Saxon Is the man to use an ax on ¶1016
• MONSIGNOR, n. A high ecclesiastical title, of which the Founder of our religion overlooked the advantages. ¶1018

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